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It doesn’t get easier it gets different

Each day moves me farther from the day this huge hole in my heart was created. The day JD’s physical form was not here for me anymore. The day I had to accept the fact that I had to go on without my friend here next to me.

Each new day as I wake up without her snuggled up behind my legs, and the thumping tail slapping the covers as I open my eyes. I see her water bowl empty and think , oh I need to fill that, then the reality, no I don’t. I truly can’t say I miss her less with time. She is never far from my waking thoughts, popping in when I least expect her. I cry less frequently now, but am constantly surprised what brings on the tears.

Yesterday I returned to the Vet’s office to pay the final bill for her last x-rays and the euthanesia. I knew it would be hard, but needed to face it. Tears began to roll as I drove into the parking lot, and they continued as I approached the gals at the front desk. I stated my business and then they asked me if I knew that the staff had voted to have JD be their ‘Pet of the Month’ for October. I had no idea and was so overwhelemed to have her honored in that way.

Just the month before JD and I sat in that same waiting area and I was reading the story and looking at the picture of that ‘Dog of the Month’. I asked her ‘So what’s up with that? We have been coming here for over 10 years now. How do you get to be ‘Dog of the Month’? Well the answer came when I needed to hear it. In just the blink of a tearfilled eye that news of her being honored meant everything to me.

This week has continued to bring condolance cards and emails as people hear the news. Including a very special one from Spirit Jerry, Wyatt Ray and Rene and Jim. Thanks, your kind words were so soothing.

I haven’t shared here that I too had cancer, not OS but breast. I too had surgeries and chemo. And always by my side was my friend JD. I miss her so tremendously. It is a physical ache. But I am managing to move forward some days haltingly and some days with a confident step, as I learn to go it alone.

Spirit JD’s mom

8 Responses so far »

  1. Carmen (Catie's Mom) said,

    September 16, 2010 @ 5:22 pm     

    Oh, Spirit JD’s mom. It’s lovely that your vet’s office honoured JD with Dog of the Month. It’s clear though she was your dog of a lifetime.

    I’m deeply sorry for your loss and your pain. I’m sure you’ll be vulnerable to sudden tears for a while yet. You’re a strong woman; it sounds like you’ve already been through so much. It’s all about one step, one hour, one day at a time.

    Sending warm, positive thoughts your way.

    Carmen

  2. Chloe's mom said,

    September 16, 2010 @ 5:32 pm     

    It is obvious that you and JD were really close. It is a cliche, but time really does heal things. Keep remembering the good times and keep doing things in memory of JD. I know that someday when Chloe is no longer with us, I will still participate in the Tripawd website giving advice (like you!) and participate in K9 Walks for Cancer.

    We will be looking forward to walking with spirit JD at the K9 Walk in October 🙂

    -Chloe;s mom

  3. admin said,

    September 16, 2010 @ 5:58 pm     

    JD will always have a special place in our hearts too. Thanks for checking in.

  4. anyemery said,

    September 16, 2010 @ 9:32 pm     

    What a wonderful tribute your vet is giving JD. We’re still holding you in our hearts, and sending you big, virtual hugs.
    Holly, Zuzu and Susan

  5. etgayle said,

    September 17, 2010 @ 8:10 am     

    jd’s mom, thanks for sharing your journey through all of this. sometimes it’s hard to imagine how deep our sorrow can be, but then it is a journey we all have/or will go through. like you and JD, gayle is taking me bravely through a diagnosis and treatment for breast cancer. our tripawds are amazing teachers and sisters. our thoughts and blessings are with you.

    charon & gayle

  6. Fortis'dad said,

    September 17, 2010 @ 9:22 am     

    JD’s mom,

    You have been so kind to Fortis and I over this past month. I want you to know that it has meant a lot. JD was a special girl and I know how much you must miss her. One day Fortis and her will run and play together.

    I had a really hard time reading your post. The emotions just get the best of me sometimes. I too lost a friend, Ace, in the same manner as your JD was taken. My heart aches for you. JD is and always will be next to you in sprit as will Fortis be with me. Our friends forever!

    Your strength is evident but know that you have friends inTexas who care. JD was so very lucky to have such a caring and loving Mom.

    Brett and Fortis

  7. Ginger said,

    September 17, 2010 @ 3:49 pm     

    We know that nothing we say can help to make it better. We just hope that with time it gets better. You will never forget your girl JD – and neither will those she has touched with her stories and beautiful pictures. That is a very touching tribute from your vet. That shows how much she touched the hearts of those that helped her these last days.
    Our thoughts and prayers are with you during this hard time,
    Ginger and her pack

  8. jerry said,

    September 17, 2010 @ 10:16 pm     

    Your title here says it all. While the passing of time can help dry the tears on the outside, on the inside there’s always a yearning for our best friend that we loved so much. Even years later it’s sometimes hard not to cry, but we go on as best we can because to live in sadness is not the Way of Dog.

    I like to think that before they appear in our lives, dogs choose their humans as part of a special “assignment” during their time on earth. For JD, it was to be with you through one of the hardest times in your life (I’m so sorry that you too were affected by cancer). Once she saw that you had learned her lessons well, she knew it would be OK to move on to her next job. As hard as it is to part ways, the value of those lessons will stay with you forever, and like you said, she is never far from your side.

    Many hugs coming your way….

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